"I apologize in advance for accidentally touching you inappropriately"
(yao falls off and is touched in appropriately in exchange for not falling on her face).
I thought the blog should finally have a moment of actual inappropriate touching.
21 November 2010
25 October 2010
It would be inappropriate if it wasn't kung fu
"Justin! Make it easier for her and let her be on top!" - Sifu yelling at us during san sau
"You need to feel the other person" - Disciple has he feels my arm up and down while trying to get me to san sau better
"You need to feel the other person" - Disciple has he feels my arm up and down while trying to get me to san sau better
Non-Fail Moment!
(Midfight)
DL: "You're never gonna hit anyone with those short arms."
Me: (accidentally hits him in the face)
=D Hurray for accidental success!
DL: "You're never gonna hit anyone with those short arms."
Me: (accidentally hits him in the face)
=D Hurray for accidental success!
19 October 2010
All the Ways in Which I Fail - Kung Fu Part One
That's right. This is going to happen in parts. Because I fail, often, and in so many aspects in life due to natural lack in talent, the inability foresee and account for potential danger, random emotional distress, and just sheer laziness, that I imagine this could become a series chronicling all the ways I fail.
But I'll start on a light note, a kung fu note, where it's okay to fail just a little, as long as I'm not fighting anyone, or jumping off anything, or holding anything important, like the lion head or a sharp object that would be more dangerous to myself than anyone else, or doing a form in public, or defending the school's honor. Yeah.
Recently, I've been blessed with the special attention from Sifu. Not out of extraordinary skill or dedication - any natural talent or time I might have had to practice I demolish with severe alcoholism - but rather, because there is no one new left. (hurray for default win!). Regardless of the reasoning, this special interest warms my heart and body temperature, especially when he sends his disciples to san sau with me one after the other. I always liked getting hit on by tall men, especially when it lands in the face. But really, it's awesome, tons of fun and they always offer great advice: such as, "Stop hitting like a girl," or "Stop being tired," and "Stop losing so much."
So I fail in kung fu, and on a daily basis. And today's fail? After getting smacked in the neck, jabbed in those damn floating ribs, and square in the nose?
"Sifu, tell her to not be tired. And can you teach her to have longer arms? I don't think she'll ever win without some of those."
But I'll start on a light note, a kung fu note, where it's okay to fail just a little, as long as I'm not fighting anyone, or jumping off anything, or holding anything important, like the lion head or a sharp object that would be more dangerous to myself than anyone else, or doing a form in public, or defending the school's honor. Yeah.
Recently, I've been blessed with the special attention from Sifu. Not out of extraordinary skill or dedication - any natural talent or time I might have had to practice I demolish with severe alcoholism - but rather, because there is no one new left. (hurray for default win!). Regardless of the reasoning, this special interest warms my heart and body temperature, especially when he sends his disciples to san sau with me one after the other. I always liked getting hit on by tall men, especially when it lands in the face. But really, it's awesome, tons of fun and they always offer great advice: such as, "Stop hitting like a girl," or "Stop being tired," and "Stop losing so much."
So I fail in kung fu, and on a daily basis. And today's fail? After getting smacked in the neck, jabbed in those damn floating ribs, and square in the nose?
"Sifu, tell her to not be tired. And can you teach her to have longer arms? I don't think she'll ever win without some of those."
07 October 2010
What Meetings sound like at work
"Bob!"
"Yasmine!"
"So I tried that pencil to the eye thing you're always talking about. And you know I feel so much better."
"Drama on your end?"
"Yeah, some drama, a bad day, but it's okay. Now everytime they look in the mirror they'll know not to push things to production before getting approval from anyone and spending 20K that we dont' have."
"I told you violence on others really makes the day go by faster."
"I at least feel vindicated with myelf, and in life."
"So abut that money."
"Yes. "
[insert very short discussion about money]
"I just want to make sure we're not being charged for the large amounts. If you see a couple hundred dollars I don't really care."
"Awesome. So I can keep expensing my opium habit."
"Keep around 300, and you're cool. Cause when you're done, we're gonna have more budgeting fun."
"Wow, maybe we should start smoking in office. You've heard of the e-cig right? It's vapor and nicotine. We can totally smoke that without the smoke detectors catching ."
"Opium's cool right?"
"I don't see the problem."
"Guys Bob looks hazed - they'll say."
"Don't worry, I'll say we're concentrating really really hard. Numbers induce funny faces like that."
"K. So budget and opium next week?"
"Yup. Tty then."
"Yasmine!"
"So I tried that pencil to the eye thing you're always talking about. And you know I feel so much better."
"Drama on your end?"
"Yeah, some drama, a bad day, but it's okay. Now everytime they look in the mirror they'll know not to push things to production before getting approval from anyone and spending 20K that we dont' have."
"I told you violence on others really makes the day go by faster."
"I at least feel vindicated with myelf, and in life."
"So abut that money."
"Yes. "
[insert very short discussion about money]
"I just want to make sure we're not being charged for the large amounts. If you see a couple hundred dollars I don't really care."
"Awesome. So I can keep expensing my opium habit."
"Keep around 300, and you're cool. Cause when you're done, we're gonna have more budgeting fun."
"Wow, maybe we should start smoking in office. You've heard of the e-cig right? It's vapor and nicotine. We can totally smoke that without the smoke detectors catching ."
"Opium's cool right?"
"I don't see the problem."
"Guys Bob looks hazed - they'll say."
"Don't worry, I'll say we're concentrating really really hard. Numbers induce funny faces like that."
"K. So budget and opium next week?"
"Yup. Tty then."
07 March 2010
Conquered
My at the moment Do Not Conquer Again List:
1. Christian. WOW yeah, should've figured that would always go down bad from the first experience. I'm starting to think my anti-god with the capital G complex comes from dating a string of semi-Christians who's picking and choosing kind of beliefs contest of the sex before marriage thing only when we're conveniently not actually about to have sex but every other time after. Did that taste bitter? Yes. a bit acrid.
2. The Phillipines. Another one of those, remember why you grew up disliking your own kind? Remember how their gossip and their snobbery and their gross taste for paying designer at full price irritated the hell out of you? Well, all three characteristics apply to the men as well. STAY AWAY! said the warning. ugh.
3. Married/Separated. Not that he was still happily wed, they were already separated, which kind of added and crossed that off my list. But I should probably stay away from the married/separated all the same. Married might be sexy, but they're separated for a reason, including the inability to carry a conversation. And forget cracking jokes. God I couldn't crack jokes without uncomfortable laughter or just silence.
3 China. Okay you guys, it's not that I have anything against you. In fact, I've had mostly positive experiences with your kind. But that's because of the number. I mean, really you need to stop asking for it. And frankly, I think I've conqured you enough. I'd like some challenge, or at least variety in my repotioir, so I'm going to take a temporary hiatis of your peoples, thanks.
I have more to add like, bitchy, ballsless, and deathly infatuated with money beyond believe, but this cut my dating pool significatnly. I will add short to the list however, in both directions. Because yeah, that should be a requirement in all chick's lists.
I have more to add like, bitchy, ballsless, and deathly infatuated with money beyond believe, but this cut my dating pool significatnly. I will add short to the list however, in both directions. Because yeah, that should be a requirement in all chick's lists.
28 February 2010
Lecherous yao.
i get extremely flustered when talking to someone I'm attracted to. So when I leer at the 20 something waiter at the hookah bar, he thinks i'm joking. But really, that's about all i'm capable of. Forget actual conversation, or even speaking in full sentances for that matter. He leers back and I turn bright red, and the most I can muster is, "Yeaaaaaah..." insert creepy grin.
Also, it really doesn't help that he's 4 years younger and I feel like such a leacherous old man. One that gets hugs btw. Shibby is the best wingman ever. And she need to tell all men that I am attracted to to hug me for no apparent reason. And then let me stroke their muscular arms. And thn lose all motor skills.
Also, it really doesn't help that he's 4 years younger and I feel like such a leacherous old man. One that gets hugs btw. Shibby is the best wingman ever. And she need to tell all men that I am attracted to to hug me for no apparent reason. And then let me stroke their muscular arms. And thn lose all motor skills.
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